If I was Dorothy I would be more interested in the Lion than the Tin Man. And I guarantee you that every other girl and boy alike out here would feel the same. The classic love story always involves a brave hero rescuing a not-so-brave (pathetic) beautiful girl. Nowadays, that love story barely holds true, and what the fortune cookies tell you about love coming if you wait, to just stop searching, is almost certainly not true. I’m not saying searching is the way to go, but passively sitting around for your soul mate is a sure fire way to land you as your typical cat lady occupying herself by watching reruns of Grey’s Anatomy.
I am currently employed at Kildare’s Irish Pub in downtown State College, and it’s much more than a way to make an income. I wouldn’t so much as say this waitress job is honest. I mean I’m not doing anything illegal, but to have a successful dinner shift, I have to wear a short kilt and flirt like no tomorrow to obtain at least 100 dollars a night. Granite, my wallet never hurts, but sometimes my feet, homework, and sleep schedule take the fall for my four to five day a week work program.
However, working at Kildare’s has given me insight into the warped young adult mind of a college male. For some reason, these guys who come in for wing night think every waitress there is blessed for being able to witness them in obnoxious action with their identical obnoxious “buddies” while they chug down three dollar blue moon after blue moon. Then after they repulsively chow down a five dollar delux burger, they insist on asking for separate checks for the 13 of them, and then, in return, hand me a tip of one dollar and proceed to wink in my direction.
Now here is where the courage part comes in. More times than my stressed out head can take, I’ve been left (as they would think) witty and cute comments on the receipt with not only a scribbled heart, but also their phone numbers. They leave in a hurry before I open up the check books so that they aren’t present for the irritated and disgusted look upon my face.
No I don’t want your number. Want to know why I don’t want your number? Because you did not walk up to me, like the transformed lion at the end of Wizard of Oz and hand it to me respectfully. It’s not cute that you’re shy. It’s pitiful that you can’t be daring enough to pull your guts out of your beer belly to ask me for my number instead of shamefully writing it on your receipt. Also, I’ve been working for eight hours dealing with degenerates like you, and you expect me to take you seriously and “call me boo.” No.
See the fortune cookies don’t tell you the reaction people get from you being passive and “sweet.” Mainly because the reaction is to mock you with the rest of my coworkers and then put your number inside my apron with the rest of them. My Mary Poppins apron is stuffed with napkin numbers, coupon numbers, and the inevitable receipt numbers that I have never once even thought about dialing. Hey boys, for future reference, courage is more vital then silent chivalry. I’m not counting on you to be sweet, I really just want you to grow a pair.
Hey! You must be stressful when you work, since you have to smile and eb polite even if you are not in a good mood or had a really bad day. I can not imagine myself to do so. I have to give you a thumbs up for that! Also, I like how you prefer the lion over the tin man. I agree with you 100%. Numbers are just numbers, they say nothing more than that he has a phone! I guess those people have just seen to many rom-com movies. :P
ReplyDeleteI literally just almost laughed out loud reading this, which would have made everyone in class right now think I was crazy, because it is so true! Back home, I catered, and though I didn't commonly deal with drunk college boys, I did have to put up with drunk old men. The way people talk to women at work can sometimes be very insulting, even if they don't mean it that way. Being put in situations like you're in every week certainly opens your eyes to modern romance and leads you to question what happened to a polite way to ask out a girl (if you can even call it that). Good job sticking you for yourself, us waitresses have to be strong! :)
ReplyDeleteAs a male outsider to much of this (although I did wait tables full time for a year and did deal with some of the silly behavior of bar patrons), I loved your description.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you could make a whole blog just about the silly things people do at work. Waiting tables certainly teaches one some interesting things about human nature.
You go girl! I know what that feels like and it is sooo annoying. I don't understand how drunk boys think this is "hot" in anyway. "Let me slip you my number". NO. What I wonder is why do they keep doing it? Because I am fairly positive that girls do not respond back.
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