%20, Not 20 Cents

     Always tip your server. If you do not have money to tip, then why are you going out to eat? Fix a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for yourself next time you hear your tummy growl. If there is anything that deserves to be on the inside of a fortune cookie, it is the life lesson to over tip a waitress, delivery driver, or bartender.

     It frustrates me more than anything when customers tell me to “keep the change” after handing me a 20 dollar bill on a $19.53 check. You are so sweet to provide me with 47 cents tonight following me waiting on your every hand and foot to assure that you don’t run out of ketchup for your five dollar burger. I understand totally that being a waitress does not necessarily require anything other than people skills and about a week of training, but if you feel that you can do the job better, I suggest you go to McDonald’s and grab your own ketchup packets, because there, tipping isn’t the norm.

     I think that the majority of individuals think that servers, delivery drivers, and bartenders receive an hourly wage, providing them with the guilt free walk out of the restaurant after leaving the 47 cents. However, I do not think that individuals realize that that hourly wage is $2.35. When I look in your direction and glare after you pay your bill, I hope you realize it’s because you wasted my life. I would have rather not been beyond nice to you the entire time, got you whatever you desired, and cleaned up after you and your girlfriend’s saliva infested silverware and half eaten wings that you rudely left all over the table. I am not your mother. I am your waitress. Pay me.

     I do not adopt the occupation because it was my dream job. Who would ever want to smile all day long and run around with a chicken like their head cut off when beer is half off in the restaurant for the fun of it? I do this because I have to, not because I want to. Next time someone hands me a 75 cent tip and tells me to “keep the change,” my response will be to slap it back on the table and declare, “no you keep it. You obviously need it more than I do.”